Civil Wars, Red Beans and Rice!
June 05, 2005 from Delicious! Delicious! www.deliciousdelicious.com
INT. TRAILER--LATE AFTERNOON
Mr. R. enters in a tattered uniform of the Confederate Army and a deep layer of makeup. His dense, dark hair is slicked back neatly, but there are fake cuts and scrapes across his broad forehead. Caryn stifles a laugh from the stove.
CARYN
(in her thickest Southern accent)
Is the wah over?
MR. R.
No, just breaking for lunch, Miss Scarlett.
Caryn takes the lid off a large pot on the stove. She scoops a heavy ladle of thick, red beans into the bowl. Mr. R. picks a piece of andouille sausage from the pot.
MR. R. (CONT'D)
If your army ate this well, y'all might have won.
She adds a spoonful of buttered rice to the beans and hands it to the soldier. He plops down on the couch to eat.
MR. R. (CONT'D)
Who ever heard of a Civil War comedy anyway?
He is barely on his second spoonful when the door opens and Lauren walks in. She is dressed down in an attempt to fit in with the crew, but her $400 jeans somehow miss the mark.
LAUREN
I swear our caterers make the worst coffee on the planet.
She slams her cup on the table and pulls a Diet Coke from the fridge, just as the door opens again and Miss A. makes the reunion complete. She is the worst dressed of all in a pink, corseted hoop-dress. Obnoxious curls bob from her whole head.
MISS A.
The AC is out in my trailer. Mind if I crash in here?
No one responds, but she wasn't really asking. Caryn steps nimbly aside as Miss A. helps herself to a bowl of the beans.
LAUREN
You don't have much room in that corset to eat.
MISS A.
I know. Loosen it for me, will you?
Lauren sighs and makes half an effort to untie the strings. Mr. R. continues to eat, trying not to spill on his costume. Caryn pretends to clean around the stove.
When the strings are slightly loosened, Lauren steps back to assess any damage to her nails. Miss A. takes her bowl to the door.
MISS A. (CONT'D)
Well, I'm wrapped after the next shot. So I'll see you at eight?
Unsure who she's talking to, Lauren and Caryn look toward Mr. R. who nods quietly without looking up.
MISS A. (CONT'D)
Good. I'm gonna go get my makeup touched up.
She leaves. Caryn resumes her pseudo-cleaning, but Lauren stares at Mr. R. a moment.
LAUREN
You know you're in every shot for the remainder of the day.
Mr. R. sets his bowl aside.
MR. R.
Yeah, but I think we'll finish a little early.
Lauren laughs icily and starts for the door too.
LAUREN
Wouldn't count on it, Big Guy.
As soon as she's gone, Mr. R. shakes his fingers through his hair, effectively messing up the design. He leans back on the couch with his eyes closed. Caryn wipes vigorously at a non-existent spot.
MR. R.
No, Caryn, the war rages on.